Ah, the story of the misquoted idiomatic expression..."Can’t fit a square peg in a round hole."
Well, I could start at the beginning of the end...how appropriate, as everything that ends has a beginning.
He was not very clever, he was one dimensional, he was strong, he was a fire fighter. Every woman fantasizes about the hero, coming to her rescue, right?
Well, Tony was an unknowing victim of my twisted sinicism, disguised as angelic innocent humor.
How could he know that I was actually a very bright, clever and calculating woman that would creep into his soul and rip out his heart, only to get bored and discover he was not a very deserving recipient of my desires and/or love? Harsh, ay?
Oh, I didn’t start out with any ill ideas. As always I thought I was in love. I tried to overlook his lack of depth and his ability to have any type of intelligent conversation or thought.
He was so insecure and held so tight to me, that I soon couldn’t breathe. I imagined I was the little mouse in the pocket of Lenny Small (Of Mice and Men), soon to be petted and kept so tight in hand and pocket, that I would smother and die. I tried to understand and calm his woes of someone coming and sweeping me away, but to no avail. He was just this way and I could not put to rest his insecurities.
I would often remind him of the song by 38 special, “Hold on Loosely”, but he never got it.
He had often misquoted common sayings and I would try to overlook them, saying to myself…but he’s strong, he’s a firefighter, he can save me if I happen to be trapped in a building that's on fire.
He used the saying, “Nip it in the butt” often. I gently explained, “It’s a gardening analogy, Nip it in the bud. It means to remove the bud, so as not to let something continue that will fester into something that isn’t productive”. (How ironic! or is this foreshadowing?)
He said, “What are you talking about?” He was clueless. I left it alone.
I did share these moments with a few of my closest friends when I knew this relationship was a futile endeavor. I suppose that's when I became the twisted sinicist.
One day he had had enough, he had texted me and I didn’t reply within the 5 or 10 minutes that I had been roped to believing was my window of opportunity to please him.
So he proceeded to tell me that we should part, as I didn’t hold him at a high enough importance. Mind you I was in a 4 hour meeting with my phone turned off and this behavior didn’t sit well with him.
I finally just replied, "Ok."
I later got home and was casually reading my emails; I noticed an email from him. I was tired and I really didn’t want to deal with the drama, but I opened it anyway. He went on and on and finally made the decision, again, to break up with me and then followed the break up with a quote, “I guess you can’t fit a square pig in a round hole”.
I started laughing. I said to myself… Am I the pig…. I know I’ve gained 10 pounds in the past few months, but I don’t think that constitutes me being a pig…
a SQUARE I get, but a Square Pig, now that’s fucking classic.
I have to say that I'm sure that it was never intended to be an insult, it's just how my brain works. I always have to laugh at things that have the potential of being hurtful. And I definitely have to be the first one to laugh at myself.
So the saying was born and I love it…it fits to a Tee. A Square Pig, Round Hole
I suppose he could have said A square pig...round HO...now that would have been just plain mean...but it still would have been funny too, maybe even more so!
:)
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